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chinese wedding customs
the betrothal / guo dai li + hui li
The Betrothal / Guo Da Li (过大礼) is a Chinese wedding custom that requires the groom and his family to deliver a red packet containing the "Pin Jin" (聘金), also known as the betrothal gift money, and a list of items to the bride and her family.
here's why your parents insist on it
Guo Da Li is seen as an opportunity for both families to show respect and appreciation for each other, and to build a strong relationship that will last a lifetime. In other words, Guo Da Li is a way to solidify the bond between two families and to celebrate the couple's commitment to each other.
One of the most crucial aspects of Guo Da Li is the selection of gifts. Each dialect group has its own set of customs and traditions when it comes to gift-giving. Despite the modernisation of society, many families still hold on to these customs primarily due to the profound symbolism inherent in each gift presented by the Groom i.e. each gift carries special meanings and blessings for the couple.
1. Decide on a date
It is usually held 2 or 3 weeks before the actual wedding day on an auspicious date. We have couples who does it 1 month in advance and that it totally fine as well!
If sticking to tradition matters a lot to you, consider hiring a Fens Shui master to read both of your Ba Zi compatibility. Based on your results, these geomancy experts will then recommend a favoured date and time.
However, if the families are not date-sensitive, choosing a date when everyone is available is a viable option.
2. Decide on Guo Dai Li + Hui Li items
GUO DA LI
The Groom's family will present an array of gifts to the bride's family as a token of gratitude for raising their daughter and to show his sincerity in marrying her.
For the betrothal gifts to present to the bride, traditionally the type of gifts will be based on the Bride's family dialect group. As long as both sides and most importantly, the couple feels comfortable, either is fine. You can also choose to do a simple one.
Guo Da Li Items
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A pair of dragon and a pair of phoenix candles
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Pin Jin red packet
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Nappy red packet
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Pork trotter cans
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2 bottles of wine or hard liquors
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12 oranges
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Red door banners
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Auspicious grains
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Wedding cakes/pastries
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Red tray
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Decorations
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Betrothal baskets
HUI LI 回礼 + Bride's Dowry (嫁妆)
HUI LI 回礼 Bride’s family reciprocates by returning a portion of the gifts which symbolises the sharing of blessings and mutual respect between both families.
Bride's Dowry (嫁妆) will also be presented during the Hui Li. The bride's dowry is given by the Bride's parents to their daughter. It represents the blessings and well wishes for their daughter's marriage. The dowry items are brought back together with the Hui Li items to the Groom's place after the Guo Dai Li ceremony.
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2 bottles of orange juices
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1 Red fan
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Sugarcane red packet
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Route leading chicken red packet
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Tea ceremony set
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5-piece descendant pail set (baby bathtub, potty, washbin, tray and mug)
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Two pairs pf red clogs or slippers
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Sewing Kit
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Bride’s red fan
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Red umbrella
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New bedsheets and duvet
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A pair of bedside lamps
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Towels
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Ruler
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Auspicious charcoal
3. Day of
Step 1: Arrive at the Bride's home & exchange auspicious sayings
The groom and his family will visit the bride's home to present the betrothal gifts. Parents of both bride and groom have to be present. Traditionally, a female matchmaker (or a elder female relative) will also accompany the groom to the bride's house, and oversee the Guo Da Li process to ensure everything goes smoothly.
Well-wishes will then be bestowed upon by her, along with blessings of offsprings to the couple:
'恭喜亲家老爷和亲家奶奶荣登外父外母榜, 祝福 <couple> 永结同心、恩爱到白头、连生贵子'
Translation: Congratulations to the family of the bride. Wishing the couple eternal bliss, and to have offsprings soon.
Step 2: Groom to present betrothal gifts to bride's family
Besides the Guo Da Li items, don't forget to include the betrothal money 聘金 (pin jin)! The amount of pin jin should be pre-discussed between the families. It's typically ranged between $1,888 to $8,888, usually ending with the auspicious number 8.
Step 3: Bride's family to return gifts to the groom's family
Upon receiving the gifts, the bride's family will reciprocate the generosity of the groom's family by returning a portion of the gifts received (Half the items of guo da li except the alcohol bottles, a portion of the pin jin). In addition, the bride's family will present 回礼 (hui li), to express their gratitude and appreciation.
Step 4: Bride to receive dowry gifts from bride's parents
Next, the bride's parents will present a set of dowry gifts, also known as 嫁妆 to the bride. The dowry is a symbol of the wealth and prosperity of the bride's family, and signifies the blessings and well-wishes for their daughter's marriage. The dowry typically includes items like tea set, jewellery and sewing kit. The dowry gifts, together with the hui li will be brought back to the groom's home.